I’m struggling to come to terms with my sexuality. I know that I like guys, I’ve known it for a long time. My family just think that I’m straight and simply haven’t found the right girl yet. What they don’t realise is that there won’t ever be the right girl. I’ve tried to have girlfriends, but it just doesn’t work. I’m scared of what my family will think if I come out and say I like guys, and I’m worried that I might lose the people closest to me.
I’ve thought about not coming out and living my life as a lie just so that I don’t have to say anything. Some days I feel that maybe running away is the best option, to go somewhere and live my life how I want to be. But if I do that, I’ll still hurt them and will lose my family that way too.
I want to keep my family happy, but I can’t be happy with this secret. I’ve tried so many times to tell them,but I just can’t. It’s getting me down and I really don’t know what to do.
First of all, good job for admitting it to yourself. I think this is something a lot of people struggle to do, so well done.
It sounds like you’re in a pretty frustrated and anxious state of mind at the moment, but remember to have patience with yourself and breathe. At times, being gay can make you feel like you have a huge fluorescent bull’s-eye drawn on you which everyone can see. But trust me, no one notices as much as you think they do.
I’m sure your family care about you as much as you care about them. Whenever you do come out to them, if they don’t support you and show their love for you – that’s on them. That sounds pretty frank, I know. But see it this way, what do you think is more unhealthy; pretending to be someone else your entire life, or being liberated and free to be yourself?
You’re not hurting anyone by being yourself. Unless your name is Voldemort. As long as youcontinue to be honest and patient, you won’t be hurting yourself either; take care of that precious mind of yours.
As I said earlier, you have to do this in your own time. Rushing yourself or feeling pressured by other people will only make coming out more stressful than it already is… which seems impossible, I know! I would try and avoid setting yourself deadlines for coming out. If you set yourself a date far in the future you’ll just become more anxious leading up to it and psych yourself out, which will make you feel disappointed with yourself.
Try slowly coming to terms with the idea of telling one family member, perhaps the one you trust the most. But ‘where do I tell them I’m gay?!’ you ask? Think of something you and this family member might do all the time, like swimming or walking along the beach on Sundays. Doing something familiar will help with the nerves and help you to feel more comfortable. I hope this helps and you allow yourself the time you need to come out of the closet with swagger.
Soon, the right time will come and it’ll fall into place…