I’m not sure where to start but I have a problem with my b/f. He gets kinda aggressive and argumentative when he is drunk. It’s quite scary. He’s been quite threatening and whilst he has never hit me, he belittles me when he’s drunk and makes me feel worthless. What should I do?
First of all, thank you for being so incredibly brave and coming forward with such a private issue. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved.
Experiencing any form of domestic abuse, physical or emotional affects us in some pretty profound ways. Our self-worth and morals clash as a battle between our heart and head takes place. Feeling a sense of doom looming over you is absolutely understandable.
What you should know and tell yourself, right now, is that you do not deserve any kind of abuse. Whether your boyfriend is being aggressive and belittling you when he’s drunk OR sober, it isn’t ok for him to treat you this way.
If he is physically harming you in any way, you need to get out of the situation straight away and speak to the police. If you need support ask Liberate.
I’m going to assume that you love each other, or you wouldn’t have stuck around up to this point. He may be battling with some internal demons and as the closest person to him, he could be lashing out at you. This doesn’t mean it is alright to do so, but perhaps he needs some professional support to work through these issues which are causing him to be aggressive and intimidating.
There are some fantastic support groups in the Channel Islands and UK which I would recommend you contact if speaking to your boyfriend isn’t helping, especially if he is scaring you.Here are some wonderful people that are trained to handle anything you can throw at them and are there to help:
Broken Rainbow are a UK based LGBTQ domestic abuse and relationships counselling organisation. They are seriously clued up when it comes to LGBTQ issues and have a genuine understanding of issues that members of our community may have. You can speak with someone 24/7 in a way that would suit you; either by email, online chat (great if you’d rather speak to someone straight away but not on the phone) or by calling their helpline on 0300 999 5428.
Safer are a Guernsey-based organisation that supports those experiencing domestic abuse, they are available to speak with 24/7 on 01481 257652.
For heterosexuals 1 in 4 couples experience domestic abuse of some kind, unfortunately this statistic is similar in same-sex relationships. A lot of people who are experiencing domestic abuse in a same-sex relationship feel that they can’t come forward because they won’t be taken seriously or protected by the law. This is not true.
The guys at Liberate are based in both Guernsey and Jersey and are on hand to help you through the toughest of times if you’re in a physically or emotional abusive relationship. They have the connections and skills to know what to do and move forward, whether it’s court action or just getting someone you of a bad situation.
I’m afraid I cannot tell you whether you should stay with him or not, that is for you and your heart to decide. But please look after yourself and contact one of the amazing organisations I recommended.
I hope your boyfriend can lay his demons to rest, not just for himself but for the both of you.